Blog
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I can have it all!
It used to be that people would tell me all the things that I couldn’t do because I was teen mom. Two weeks ago, I heard all the things that I can do because I was a young mother, who beat the odds.
Girls in my shoes often feel invisible. We’re ignored, we’re labeled, and there are very few people who put some faith in our potential. Two weeks ago I had the opportunity to go to Capitol Hill and along with an amazing advocate and fellow Crittenton Alumnae, we spoke out on the issues that we faced as young mothers who have, one way or another, been through the “system.” Both Shemia and I were given the opportunity to speak to leaders in Congress who have the influence to make decisions that directly impact girls and their families. I felt empowered, valued, and most importantly, I felt encouraged. Sitting next to Deidra Henry-Spires, staff for Senator Baucus and the Senate Finance Committee was unbelievable! Sharing our stories and being asked what we want the Senator to know was moving and it showed me that we are so fortunate to have such dedicated leadership.
Later that day we had the opportunity to meet with Congressman Geoff Davis. Sitting in his office, talking to him about our struggles, and learning about him and his own personal story, I realized that we all have something to share. Congressman Davis is passionate about what he does, he is passionate about the issues, and he is passionate about helping others – all good qualities for a leader. I have to admit that day was truly amazing. Being followed by a camera crew for the “Having It All” show (you must watch as Crittenton will be featured!) and learning so much about how we can make a change was a dream come true. I felt valued, empowered, confident, but most importantly, I know Shemia and I felt heard.
I came home that night and my kids were already asleep. I couldn’t share my excitement with them, but the next morning as I was heading to a meeting at Georgetown University on policy reform for young mothers, I couldn’t stop talking about my day. My daughter said to me, “Mom, Jeremy and I are so proud of you what you do. You are helping so many young moms and you make me want to help others too.” Knowing my daughter acknowledges my efforts makes me feel motivated and convinced that giving back means paying it forward.
Written by: Lisette Orellana
Chips, dip and commercial sex trafficking?
Many people are preparing to watch Sunday’s Super Bowl. It’s a time for celebration with lots of food and friends gathered around the television to watch one of America’s largest sporting events.
What too many people don’t know is that the Super Bowl has a dark side, one that reduces girls and young women to products for sale—and I am not just talking about the ads that reduce women to sex objects. I’m talking about the increased occurrence of domestic commercial sex trafficking.
Just like last year in Dallas, Texas, news reports project that thousands of girls from around the country will be brought to Indiana by their traffickers otherwise known as pimps to be sold for sex before, during and after the game.
There are several good initiatives to stop sex trafficking in Indiana including emergency legislation that passed that brings stiff penalties those who sell girls and young women for sex but also grassroots efforts including nuns calling hotels to educate front desk and housekeeping staff how to spot and pamphlets being passed out to taxi drivers.
NFL players are also supporting the “I’m Not Buying it” campaign, sending a message to Johns. See the video of Jay Ratliff, Dallas Cowboy’s Defensive player.
Indiana has started a “Don’t Try it Here” campaign to let traffickers/pimps know that it’s not ok to sell girls for sex. The problem is that last year when the game took place in Dallas, Texas last year officials there were also very serious about stopping this. Yet it is estimated that 10,000 girls were brought into the state for that very purpose. About 100 people were arrested for trafficking.
I commend Indiana for all of its efforts and for the grassroots leaders out meeting with hotels and taxi drivers. The truth is we have to stop the problem at the root. Each of us needs to stand up and say out loud “I do not condone this kind of treatment of girls or young women. It is not okay to pay for sex from girls. We are outraged when it happens over seas and we must be equally outraged that it happens in the USA.
So when you are sitting around with your friends this Sunday I ask you to raise the question: what can we do to stop violence against girls and young women? Don’t accept the answer that the problem is too big for us to solve. Reality is the problem is too big for us NOT to solve.
Jeannette Pai-Espinosa
Why I speak
By Dani De Land in her own words…
Twenty-five years ago, life was much different. The Internet and email didn’t exist. A telephone was a landline, and if we were lucky, we had a phone with a 30- foot cord that would allow us to walk into another room for privacy. A cell phone seemed as large as my gym bag, we still borrowed sugar from our neighbor (whom we knew the name of) and for me, a normal family structure was still there.
Normal. What is that? I’ll explain what was normal for me at that time and what happened to change that dynamic.
My mother was the pillar of my family, but was slow to grasp the fact that my father was abusive to both my younger sister and I. In April of 1987 she became very ill and was permanently removed from our home. During the year to follow, I was forced to grow up. To clean the house, to watch, take care of and be responsible for my sisters and suffered an accelerated level of physical abuse from my already abusive father. It truly was the kind of abuse you see on made for T.V. movies. After one particularly horrible ‘rage’, my sisters and I were actually removed from the home, only to be placed back with our father just a year later after my mother passed away in 1990.
During the time I lived with my father, I started skipping school, was drinking when I did go and eventually just stopped going. I didn’t want to be there with my dad so I would do what I could to not go home, including sleeping behind bakeries and on the porches of my friends home. Five months after I moved back in with my father, I received the worst beating of my life and within a week of that, was raped by two ‘friends’ of the guy I called my boyfriend. I was done with life. I was 14.
As I stated, I was spent. I knew that was wrong, but I didn’t have it in me anymore. What was the point? I started pricing guns, looking for things to take in the house to overdose on. I was going to kill myself. It was just too much. Why was life so not fair? I called a rape crisis line and was told what happened wasn’t my fault. I hung up. I didn’t believe it.
I decided to tell my dad and my counselor at school about the rape and desired suicide, and that decision is what changed my life forever.
I was again taken from the home but this time placed in a psychiatric hospital for treatment of depression and suicidal tendencies. After 8 months of intense therapy I was placed at the Florence Crittenton Home in Jackson, MI June 1991. I felt torn about my new home. It was a huge change, but one for the better. There were no more beatings. I was never yelled at or threatened. I got to laugh and be a silly girl and find myself! (I was all ready to move to Seattle, find the lead singer to Pearl Jam and marry him, LOL!)
A few months after arriving at ‘The Crit’, I started attending school…and stayed in school (whew hew!). Not only was I going, but I was excelling.It was because of the support of the Crittenton staff that I graduated in the top of my senior class. For the first time in my life I had the support I so desperately needed, and found out that anything is possible 
I was taught to excel and to reach high, to be RESLIENT with everything I do in life.
Without these teachings, I would not have had the mind set to go on to finish broadcasting school, to work in fitness, intensely train for 10 months to get up on stage for my very first body building figure competition, or to travel and speak on behalf of so many other young women that are in the same place I was 20 years ago.
Florence Crittenton Services for me was a fertile garden where positive, healthy seeds were planted. The seeds of responsibility, caring, strength, EMPOWERMENT were all planted by the supporting programs and staff of ‘The Crit’ starting back in 1991, and the roots are so deep, the tree is still growing today.
25 years later, life is MUCH better, greener, more peaceful…abuse free, because of Crittenton Services.
Today, whenever the opportunity comes my way, I speak on behalf of young woman, to tell my story with the intention of setting an example. I haven’t lived a perfect life. However, I am RESILIENT and I do BELIEVE that I AM NOT INVISIBLE…healthy habits picked up by the women who guided me. I want to show them that life doesn’t have to always be traumatic. Dreams can be a reality. A healthy life is a reflection of healthy choices. In my heart, I know if these young women are SHOWN exactly what healthy choices’ means, what those choices look like and are shown by example how to apply them to life…well, maybe I can make a difference in one of their lives, just as my examples showed me.
Breaking the silence of girls and young women: 2011 progress
December is such a busy time of year, wrapping up projects at work, attending holiday events and making time to reflect on the past year’s accomplishments. Looking back at 2011, I am especially proud of the work that’s being done by The National Crittenton Foundation, an organization whose Board I serve as a Trustee and Secretary for the Board.
In 2011 alone, the organization received a significant grant from the Walmart Foundation, helped bring more than 30 young women and girls together to tell their stories of healing from the trauma of abuse, launched a new policy series in partnership with Georgetown Policy Center, and engaged hundreds of new supporters in their work—either as advocates or donors or both.
Last week I was honored to host a “We Are Not Invisible” fundraising reception in Washington, DC. I enjoyed seeing friends and meeting new ones who share our commitment to girls and young women.
Together with your support we can continue to create more opportunities for young women to break the silence and give voice to the reality of their lives!
A special and heartfelt “thank you” to our guest speakers: Dani and Charese, whose personal stories were both moving and inspiring. I invite you to read them for yourselves.
It is encouraging to know that we each can make a difference and help young women reach their full potential. As you shape your plans for 2012, I hope that you can find a way to become more involved in the Foundation’s work—young girls and young women across the country are counting on it.
Happy Holidays!
Gina E. Wood
Thanksgiving Thanks
What are you thankful for?
Crittenton Staff, Former/Current Crittenton Program Participants
“I am thankful for the Prince that I was blessed with about five years ago, having the opportunity to be in foster care & having a huge stepping stone to becoming a successful single mother & being able to accomplish as much as I have through the years. Meeting such wonderful positive people along the way & having a God that always came through 24/7.” – Catherine K
“I am thankful for my family whose worlds of wisdom and love keep me grounded. I am thankful for my friends whose loyalty and honesty keep me balanced. I am thankful that despite it all, my house is filled with joy. I am thankful that I’M STILL HERE! I can smile, laugh and be kept in God’s perfect peace.” – Holly
“I am thankful for the life Jesus gave me and for the blessing I was given to create life. My daughter Charnee is what I am most thankful for. Her compassion,her drive and determination, her insight, and the way she takes all of her talents and gifts to create excellence astounds me. I am thankful for my family and the way time and God ‘s grace has healed all wounds. I am thankful for the opportunity to tell my story and to speak on behalf of those who currently do not have the voice or platform to speak up for themselves. I m thankful for my friends who have always believed in me and also given me tough love when I needed it. I m thankful to be dating someone kind and gentle. I’m thankful to have met all of you [Crittenton staff, former/current Crittenton program participants]… I could go on and on these are just a few things I’m thankful for. I love you all.” – Charese
“I am thankful for my family, friends and life. I am surrounded by some of the most caring loving souls in the universe who lift me up on a daily basis and feel very blessed. I’m thankful for the little things; the little winks you get from God that remind you he’s there. I’m thankful and grateful to be a part of this crazy, beautiful world! Love you!!! – Dani
“I am thankful for my teddy bear of a husband, my fabulous family and friends, and the strong, empowering young women and women I have met in the last three years. All of you have made an impact on how I live my life to the fullest.” – Jessie
“I am thankful for all the life experiences I have lived through and for the lessons in each and every single one of them- good and bad. I am thankful for my wonderful support system who encourages me to bring out my best (that’s you guys!). But most importantly I am thankful for my children. Without my munchkins I would have never learned the meaning of limitless love.” – Lisette
It’s time to stop turning our heads
Ashley Billisano committed suicide after more than 100 tweets calling for help.
There’s no doubt that the media the last few weeks has been filled with coverage about sexual abuse. My question is where has everyone been all this time? The sexual abuse of our children and the willingness, ability and even practice of most people to look the other way is not new nor is it news. Sadly, it seems that once the issue hits college football and impacts a legend such as Coach Paterno everyone wants to be part of the conversation. I’m not disputing that positive changes may come from this series of events and I do tip my hat to the Trustees at Penn State for doing the right thing. Nevertheless, in my heart of hearts I sigh and think – talk is cheap and short-term reactions are not what we need.
While coverage of Penn State has been going on, far less time and space has been dedicated to looking at the complex events surrounding the suicide of Ashley Billasano whose cries for help (144 tweets during the 6 hours before her death) and calls for justice for her abuser and trafficker were loud and clear. How many people didn’t take her seriously and
ignored her demands for help are not yet clear but one thing is certain–we failed her.
We need long-term commitments to deal with root causes of abuse and we need to say no to the culture of violence we have created in this country. On the eve of Thanksgiving lets take a minute to be honest and admit we could all do more to identify and end the cycle of abuse in our families and communities.
The time for talking has long been over each day we don’t take action a child’s life is destroyed. Just like we did before Penn State with our allies we are going to keep pushing forward for our children because they deserve better.
Giving Without Writing A Check
Our country’s economic hardship has made it difficult for individuals to dig into their pockets to give to new causes. Some can’t even continue to donate at the level they did 5 years ago. THANKFULLY innovative opportunities have been created for the public to give to causes (e.g. airline miles, stocks, mutual funds, etc). Shopkick is one opportunity that enables individuals to donate actual dollars without dipping into their bank account(s) or paycheck. All a person has to do is download the Shopkick app on their iPhone, iPad or Android and start collecting kicks (points), then donate the kicks to a Shopkick “Cause.” The kicks translate into dollars for an organization’s “Cause.” Based on the number of kicks a “Cause” receives, Shopkick cuts a check to the organization.
Fortunately, The National Crittenton Foundation has been selected to be a Shopkick “Cause.” Crittenton’s first Shopkick check was received last month. We are so thankful to Shopkick as well as the individuals who donated kicks to our cause. Start giving or continue to give to The National Crittenton Foundation “Help Girls Heal” cause through Shopkick. We greatly appreciate it!
iPad2 Shopkick Contest:
Whoever donates the most kicks to The National Crittenton Foundation from November 15, 2011 through December 15, 2011 will win an iPad2 from The National Crittenton Foundation. For more information about Crittenton’s iPad2 contest go to our Shopkick contest page.
Really, thongs for 3-year-olds?
Really, thongs for little girls – say it’s not true! Sadly, it is true.
I was at a the OJJDP conference a couple of weeks ago and heard Dr. Sharon Cooper give an excellent, though alarming presentation on the impact of the media and fashion on young people. I spent most of the time shocked with my mouth open wondering why I didn’t know the information she was sharing. Everyone at my table had the same reaction and we all work with girls and teen women. Be prepared to be scared and Google mirror neurons or watch this short PBS video and then think about the images of girls, young women and women with which we are all bombarded each day in the media.
Now, I’m old enough to have been part of the women’s movement and say what you will about what it did and didn’t achieve, and who, it did and didn’t include but this sort of sexualization of girls did not happen under the watchful eye of the feminists of those days and I include myself here. Question is, how did we get from there to where we are today? Were we asleep, silent, too busy enjoying our newly won opportunities, or overwhelmed struggling to make ends meet, or all of the above? Whatever the cause, we’re in bad shape now and our girls and young women are paying the price.
The American Psychological Association Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls released an excellent report in 2007 and 2008 . The following excerpt is from the report.
There are many examples of the sexualization of girls and girlhood in U.S. culture. Toy manufacturers produce dolls wearing black leather miniskirts, feather boas, and thigh-high boots and market them to 8- to 12- year-old girls (LaFerla, 2003). Clothing stores sell thongs sized for 7– to 10-year-old girls (R. Brooks, 2006; Cook & Kaiser, 2004), some printed with slogans such as “eye candy” or “wink wink” (Cook & Kaiser, 2004; Haynes, 2005; Levy, 2005a; Merskin, 2004). In the world of child beauty pageants, 5-year-old girls wear fake teeth, hair extensions, and makeup and are encouraged to “flirt” onstage by batting their long, false eyelashes (Cookson, 2001).
And these are just a few examples. Many of you will recall that recently J.C. Penney and Forever 21 came under serious public scrutiny for the marketing and sale of sexist slogans on T-shirts for girls and teens. But really, the sexualization of females of all ages is everywhere not just in products marketed to females but in ads to sell everything from beer to men’s cologne to cars. There will be people who argue that sexuality is a normal part of a healthy life and I agree with that but sexualization is not. Again from the APA report:
Sexualization occurs when: 1) a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics; 2) a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy; 3) a person is sexually objectified—that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; 4) and/or sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person. All four conditions need not be present; any one is an indication of sexualization.
Let’s end where we began, can you imagine buying a thong for your 7-year old? You retort (in your head) “hell no.” Okay so you answer no but in households across the country there are plenty of parents answering yes. Children don’t buy these items parents do…so it’s us, the adults, who need to say no.
So, HELLO women and men it’s time to get serious about shutting this down and being outraged and vocal about it. Sexualizing women is demeaning and degrading but sexualizing little girls should be a crime. What kind of life and self-image are we setting the girls in our lives up for if we allow this to continue? Time to take a stand…for the girls!–Jeannette
Have you all ever thought?
On September 23, 2011 advocates for gender responsive service for girls in the juvenile justice system gathered for the Innovative Solutions for Girls in the Juvenile Justice System policy meeting. This meeting is part of the Marginalized Girls: Creating Pathways to Opportunity: A Four Part Policy Series Convened by Georgetown Center on Poverty, Inequality and Public Policy, The National Crittenton Foundation and the Rebecca Project for Human Rights. During that meeting three young women who were or are invovled in the juvenile justice system in California shared their experiences and insights during the meeting. The following is one statement read to the participants.
Youth Advocate Statement addressed to Judge Karen Radius, Hawai’i Girls Court and read to meeting participants.
Ms. Karen–
Because we don’t have enough faith in ourselves we don’t need a system we need help. Making goals, well we don’t need some talk about what we need to do because we don’t know what we need…I think if you approach young women with a conversation and make it so its positive it would help. Women are very strong and emotional at the same time so therefore they need more support and not a locked door, that’s what makes things worse. We want help but don’t know how to get it. Have you all ever thought–
- She needs love, she’s looking for love,
- She doesn’t have a father so she’s looking for a man figure to be in her life,
- She fights because that’s all she’s seen growing up, and
- She sells her body cause she’s trying to and wants to feel good about herself.
You see that we have problems so why don’t you do something to help, not blame?
I think everything is going to work out but once the system takes you in and sees that you are in a bad state of mind then they should try to help you and that’s not what happens. I’m glad to be here in Washington, DC but I just wanna ask all of you, what are you going to do about all this?
Youth Advocate, age 14, Southern California, Crittenton Services for Children and Families
My detour turned out OK
Six weeks ago I was in crisis. I was literally going crazy and had no idea what I would do with myself. I was in the worst position of my life and I felt the ugly feeling of “failure.” To me the light at the end of the tunnel was far from shining, and the only thing that kept pushing me to do better were the two little people next to me who each night kissed me good night and said I was the best.
Fast forward and I can sit back for a minute and breathe. All thanks to the wonderful support system I have, I can honestly say that I believe it will be ok. What I have learned from this? Patience. Resilience. Determination and most importantly, advocacy. I am my own advocate, and I am my children’s voice; today there is nothing in the world that will silence me from speaking about my experiences and from thanking the people that have helped me get through this difficult time.
For those who know my story, I am attempting to recuperate from the disappointment of having been let down by “the system” that’s in place to help needy families. As a working mother and someone who is trying to break the mold of young parenthood, I had been penalized and been accused of fraud.
After much research I decided my best bet would be to set a plan in place: appeal the decision that I must pay back the money “I wrongfully took,” make different child care arrangement, look for a better job, and take my experiences to the higher up –my Congressman. I visited his office, spoke to Constituent services, explained in detail the treatment I received and demanded an investigation on the agencies that made me feel as if I was wrongfully asking for assistance.
The past weeks have felt like forever. But one by one, things did begin to look up. I found a less expensive place to live. I landed an amazing job as Director of External Relations with Crittenton Services of Greater Washington. I talked to my children’s child care provider and because of the close relationship I have with them and my honesty, I was offered a private scholarship. I appealed the decision with Social Security and am waiting on the next step. And from my local Congressman, I have been appointed to a social worker who is helping me access programs that my son, who has a documented disability, has been entitled to all along. The resources that had been kept from my knowledge are incredible, and I cannot believe we missed out on so much because there was no one out there who took the time to look past our image and realize that all I ever wanted was to be my son’s voice.
Six weeks ago I cried because I was desperate and felt lost. Last night I cried because I felt something I hadn’t felt in a while – I felt proud. I’m doing what I need to do for my children; I’m showing them never to give up on the goals you set for yourself. I’m showing them to use their voice because what they have to say is worthy of
listening. I have a smile on my face, and the detour I had taken has ended and I am back on track.
– Lisette Orellano