Why I speak

By Dani De Land in her own words…

Twenty-five years ago, life was much different. The Internet and email didn’t exist. A telephone was a landline, and if we were lucky, we had a phone with a 30- foot cord that would allow us to walk into another room for privacy. A cell phone seemed as large as my gym bag, we still borrowed sugar from our neighbor (whom we knew the name of) and for me, a normal family structure was still there.

Normal. What is that? I’ll explain what was normal for me at that time and what happened to change that dynamic.

My mother was the pillar of my family, but was slow to grasp the fact that my father was abusive to both my younger sister and I. In April of 1987 she became very ill and was permanently removed from our home. During the year to follow, I was forced to grow up. To clean the house, to watch, take care of and be responsible for my sisters and suffered an accelerated level of physical abuse from my already abusive father. It truly was the kind of abuse you see on made for T.V. movies. After one particularly horrible ‘rage’, my sisters and I were actually removed from the home, only to be placed back with our father just a year later after my mother passed away in 1990.

During the time I lived with my father, I started skipping school, was drinking when I did go and eventually just stopped going. I didn’t want to be there with my dad so I would do what I could to not go home, including sleeping behind bakeries and on the porches of my friends home. Five months after I moved back in with my father, I received the worst beating of my life and within a week of that, was raped by two ‘friends’ of the guy I called my boyfriend. I was done with life. I was 14.

As I stated, I was spent. I knew that was wrong, but I didn’t have it in me anymore. What was the point? I started pricing guns, looking for things to take in the house to overdose on. I was going to kill myself. It was just too much. Why was life so not fair? I called a rape crisis line and was told what happened wasn’t my fault. I hung up. I didn’t believe it.

I decided to tell my dad and my counselor at school about the rape and desired suicide, and that decision is what changed my life forever.

I was again taken from the home but this time placed in a psychiatric hospital for treatment of depression and suicidal tendencies. After 8 months of intense therapy I was placed at the Florence Crittenton Home in Jackson, MI June 1991. I felt torn about my new home. It was a huge change, but one for the better. There were no more beatings. I was never yelled at or threatened. I got to laugh and be a silly girl and find myself! (I was all ready to move to Seattle, find the lead singer to Pearl Jam and marry him, LOL!)

A few months after arriving at ‘The Crit’, I started attending school…and stayed in school (whew hew!). Not only was I going, but I was excelling.It was because of the support of the Crittenton staff that I graduated in the top of my senior class. For the first time in my life I had the support I so desperately needed, and found out that anything is possible I was taught to excel and to reach high, to be RESLIENT with everything I do in life.

Without these teachings, I would not have had the mind set to go on to finish broadcasting school, to work in fitness, intensely train for 10 months to get up on stage for my very first body building figure competition, or to travel and speak on behalf of so many other young women that are in the same place I was 20 years ago.

Florence Crittenton Services for me was a fertile garden where positive, healthy seeds were planted. The seeds of responsibility, caring, strength, EMPOWERMENT were all planted by the supporting programs and staff of ‘The Crit’ starting back in 1991, and the roots are so deep, the tree is still growing today.

25 years later, life is MUCH better, greener, more peaceful…abuse free, because of Crittenton Services.

Today, whenever the opportunity comes my way, I speak on behalf of young woman, to tell my story with the intention of setting an example. I haven’t lived a perfect life. However, I am RESILIENT and I do BELIEVE that I AM NOT INVISIBLE…healthy habits picked up by the women who guided me. I want to show them that life doesn’t have to always be traumatic. Dreams can be a reality. A healthy life is a reflection of healthy choices. In my heart, I know if these young women are SHOWN exactly what healthy choices’ means, what those choices look like and are shown by example how to apply them to life…well, maybe I can make a difference in one of their lives, just as my examples showed me.

Tags: addiction, Advocacy, education and training, Girls, physical abuse, sexual abuse, Young women